Saturday, December 28, 2013

Changed.

Dear God,
I'm so grateful for the child you've blessed us with, and so in awe of the way she's growing. It's amazing to think of her as your creation - how in less than 3.5 years you've grown her from absolute nothingness into this amazing, wild, chatty, creative human that runs around my house. I truly stand in awe of her. I adore her, I would give anything for her. But it's a mixed bag. And I know you know this God, because you are a father, and because you created us as humans, and because you know my heart - even before I still myself to pray.

God tonight I was thinking of my pre-child life. When people say "Oh having a child changes everything...", it's really hard to know what that means. I don't think you really can know, until you're a parent and you're living in that space. And sometimes that change is hard - for us it's meant sacrifices. Of time, money, travel, selfishness. And yet I look at friends I know who are struggling to have a baby and know that they'd trade anything they have to have this sacrificed life I'm describing. It's not that I want it differently, and I'm most certainly not complaining. I just feel so deeply that having had a child has changed me in deep, serious ways. And today I had that changed feeling ALL day. And I trust that you know this - that it's your plan for our lives. That you have paved this parenting path. I trust that you have and will rewrite, restore, and renew the freedoms that I long for - in different ways than I had them before.

God please keep my heart focused on love. God please keep me focused on the positive. And Lord more than anything, please strengthen the bonds between me and Dan, and between each of us and our child. Please bind our hearts to yours.

Amen.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

To Make You Feel My Love

Dear God,
Tonight as I was putting Caroline down to bed I was telling her that I love her - when we have a hard time, and when we have a good time. No matter what, I always love her. And I was reminded of a song that I loved a long time ago. At the time, a starry-eyed high school girl, it seemed like a love song, a romantic song. Now, putting my sweet, crazy two year old to bed, it came back to me as a song a mom might sing to her child. God my prayer tonight is that in our family we always have the words to tell each other how much we mean to each other. I pray that my child always knows how loved she is, and how deep and unwavering our love for her is. I also pray that that love carry us through the hardest times, and is strong enough to keep us bound together even when the world, our stress, her age, her friends, 'cool', is trying to pull us apart. God please make her know our love, and show us how to make her feel our love deeply.

Amen.

Lyrics: To Make You Feel My Love (originally written by Bob Dylan, I knew Garth Brooks' version)

When the rain is blowin' in your face
And the whole world is on your caseI could offer you a warm embraceTo make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appearAnd there is no one there to dry your tearsI could hold you for a million yearsTo make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yetBut I would never do you wrongI've known it from the moment that we metNo doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blueI'd go crawlin' down the avenueNo, there's nothin' that I wouldn't doTo make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rollin' seaAnd on the highway of regretsThe winds of change are blowing wild and freeYou ain't seen nothin' like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come trueThere's nothing that I would not doGo to the ends of the Earth for youTo make you feel my love.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Hello to God, so glad to see You.

Hello to God, so glad to see You.

These were the words that came singing out of Caroline's mouth from the back seat of the car today on our way home from church. It's a song from our summer music class where we sing "Hello to Caroline, so glad to see you, Hello to mommy, so glad to see you too." And today, she says Hello to God. We went to church for the first meeting of UMW that I've been to since we moved, and I was scared to walk in the door alone. I HATE walking through the door alone when I don't know anyone. HATE. And she was in child care. Apparently Caroline had a better focus on the day than I did, because she saw God when we were there, and I was worried about who would see my ugly flip flops. And who I'd sit with. And what they'd think of me. God thank you so much for a child who simplifies life. Thank you for her reminding me how nice it was to see you today. Thank you for giving us the courage to show up in a place where you'd have us be. It was so so good God to see you today, at church and in the back seat.

Amen.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

School

Dear God,
Caroline starts a 2-day-2's program next week. Tonight was our parent orientation. It's both exciting and amazing all at once that she's going to start school. Thank you for the MCC and the people who run it. Thank you for a community that still believes it's important to raise up children in a Christian environment. Thank you for the teachers who have a passion for our little ones. Please let school be a great experience for both me and for CC, and please let it be a place where we both find friends and connections. God I trust that you are guiding our steps Lord - please continue to pave our path that we're heading in a direction you'd choose for us. Thank you God for my family, for this school, and for this day. Please teach me how to live in each one, without fear of those that follow.
Amen.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

New Steps

Dear God,
Our move to Raleigh has brought so much change in CC's life. She's done so well adjusting and going with the flow - I wish I had more of that in me. We found out recently that she was accepted to a 2-day preschool for the fall. I'm excited about it and it seems like she is to. My prayer is that the school is a good fit for her, that she enjoys her teachers, that they nurture her and add to her life, and that the time we spend apart is good for her, that she doesn't resent it or wish to be home. Please God hold my girl in your arms, today and EVERY day Lord. Please remember her and bless her.
Amen.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Potty Training

Dear God,
We're potty training, and in the last few days it's gotten pretty challenging. It seems like Caroline is struggling with me giving her direction to use the potty. I'm praying today that she returns to her good potty behavior, that she enjoys being a big girl on the potty and that she feels in control of herself with respect to using the potty. God please keep her from having accidents, and help us get through this phase quickly and successfully.
Amen.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Simply Fun

Dear God,
Caroline has gotten to an age where she can be self-entertaining for a period of time. Yesterday as I was getting dinner ready, she was playing and being silly, even laughing at herself. I wasn't even in the room - she was just simply having fun, by herself. It made me think of what a valuable trait that is - the ability to have fun, by yourself, without anything complicated to entertain you. Today my prayer is that she always has that ability, and that she creates a fun environment for others around her. There are people who are like that, who are fun to be with no matter what you're doing. I pray that you give that to Caroline.

Amen.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Love

God,
For the first time, Caroline's started to say "I love you", or "Love you too" without being prompted. It's such a rewarding, soul-filling moment for me, and I'm so grateful that she's saying those words. It's funny that as we grow it can be harder and harder for some people to say "I love you". Today, it's my prayer that you fill Caroline's life with love, that she always feels loved, that she has a deep love of herself, and that she's always able to express love easily. In thinking about Caroline, about love, I'm reminded of a section of 1 Corinthians that's often read at weddings. I read it this morning through the lens of Caroline's life, and it feels to me like it applies. It also makes me think of her wedding, and I do hope you have GREAT plans for that man. In the meantime though, please give her love so that she's patient, kind, humble, selfless, calm, truthful, protective, trusting, hopeful, persevering. I can't think of a better list of attributes to describe someone, and know that Your love is the root of these in our lives.

Please love her, and store love in her soul.
Amen.


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Relaxed

Dear God,
We've started potty training, and it's something. I feel like the process is really challenging every one of my basic instincts -- I'm trying to stay laid back, supportive rather than directive, non-bothered by accidents. It's hard to do those things for a little while, but it's REALLY hard to do those things 10 hours a day. And it's only day 2. So when I reflect on how these two days have made me feel, it's clear that the older I've gotten, and more responsibility I've taken on, the more 'in control' of things I've become. I wouldn't have described my self as controlling, but with a child, it's changed me a bit. Today my prayer is about these traits I'm seeing in myself, and how they may impact and mold Caroline. God I don't want her to be highly-strung, I don't want her to feel a need to have control of things, I don't want her to worry. I want her to be relaxed, I want her to be able to go with the flow, I want her to ride on top of the waves and not get drug down by the current in life. Please show me how to be those things; relaxed, flexible, on top of the water. I know that the easiest way to influence who Caroline becomes is to pray about it, and also to be a model of the behaviors I want to see in her. So please help me do that, and please work within her to give her motivation and drive, but also a relaxed spirit that's able to flex with the changes in life.

Thank you for my girl, who just doesn't seem like a baby at all any more, and thank you for the days we get to spend together.

Amen.

Friday, May 3, 2013

2nd Birthday

Dear God,
Today is our sweet Caroline's 2nd birthday. In many ways it seems like time has FLOWN by, and in other ways, I remember so many amazing moments from the last 730 days that it can be hard to remember the life we had before you gave her to us. Thank you God for our daughter, thank you for the relationships she has with us and with our family. Today my prayer is for Caroline and for me - God please slow us down, teach us to live in the moments where we find ourselves and lead us toward joy and peace. God please help us to always be aware of the brevity of life, and appreciate even the hard days that we share.

God thank you for the blessing of our precious child.
Amen.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

New Friends

Dear God,
You've set us on an adventure here in North Carolina, and every day I remind myself that you have a plan for us, that you've paved this path and have good things in store for our family. Today Caroline and I are going to a playgroup to try to meet some mom and toddler friends. God please let the group be kind and welcoming to us both. Please give both me and Caroline courage to be friendly, to enjoy meeting new people. Also God, please let there be someone there who could be a good friend to us both.

Amen.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Grandparents

Dear God,
Thank you for our parents. This weekend Dan's parents stayed with Caroline so that we could go out of town for a wedding. Thank you that they're willing to help us, and that they enjoy spending time with our sweet girl. God tonight when Caroline said goodnight, she gave them such sweet hugs and kisses, I could see how she cares for them, how she loves them. We don't have to force her to do these things, she does them because it's natural, it's what she wants. Thank you for that. Tonight my prayer is that you continue to keep CC close to Dick & Sharon, and that they get many long, happy years together in their relationship.

Amen.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Stop the Train!

Dear God,
Some days are easy, some days are hard. True no matter what we do. God it seems like Caroline is changing and learning so quickly, that sometimes I don't have the skills to help us work together well. Sometimes I don't know how to handle her behavior, don't know how to respond when she's crazy. God tonight my prayer is for me, and through me it's also for Caroline. God please give me the wisdom I need to keep our days moving smoothly and in a positive way. God please give me patience, and please somehow let Caroline know when I need her to give me a break and let me catch up with her. God please put people in my life who are good role models of these behaviors, from whom I can learn.
Amen

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

This Unfamiliar Road

Dear God,
One week from today we're leaving our home in Winter Park and moving to Raleigh. Caroline's having a tough time with all the change, and being very clingy and a bit scared. My prayer tonight is that you help her understand the promise I'm making her, the promise I made to her the day I knew she was coming our way. That I'll be here, ahead of her, paving a way for her, being a constant in her life. That I'll be responsible for cultivating a home where she'll be happy, where she'll feel safe and 'home'. Then Phillip Phillips song came on the TV tonight, and so beautifully summarized my promise. So God, please let Caroline know - in her sweet little brain that's growing and changing so much each day -- that I'll hold onto her as we go down this unfamiliar road, and that she's not alone, and that I'll be making this place (and every place we stay) her home.

Amen.

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Monday, February 25, 2013

Dirt

Dear God,
Today we were blessed to spend time with our friends outside, picking strawberries. It's warm this January, and we had a lovely day in the sun, teaching our kids about fruit and the way it grows. Thank you for our friends, for the weather, and for the strawberry patch that gave us the opportunity. She ate SO many strawberries today - she absolutely loves them. Thank you for this moment, for nature, for the gift of fruit God. Thank you that Caroline enjoys the exploration.

Amen.

Perspective

Dear God,
Caroline has a new favorite thing in our house - it's a wall that has framed wedding pictures of all of the couples in our family. We're there, her aunt and uncle, her grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great-grandparents, and even one of great-great-great grandparents! There's one couple in particular, my grandma's parents, who Caroline is especially fascinated with. She's regularly shouting "Bea and Charles" and running us over there to take a look. Thank you God for her interest in our family. Thank you for the reminder that serves to me of the generations who came before us and made us the people we are today. Today my prayer is that Caroline always maintains perspective of the importance of those who came before in, who paved the path that she's on. For those who have worked so long and hard and committed to their families so deeply. For those who have made sacrifices to keep food on the table and a roof over our families heads. God thank you for our parents, our grandparents, and their parents and grandparents. Thank you for families.

Amen.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Monday Morning Group

Dear God,
Thank you for the bible study that I'm in right now. Thank you for Christian women who take time from their lives to give to one another. I'm so grateful for my Monday Morning Group, and for the guidance, energy, reflection and support I feel from those women. Tonight my prayer is that Caroline has 'monday morning' women in her life. She'll need them - she'll need them as a child, through school, in college and throughout her adult life. I'm guessing a lot of them are already alive, in homes across this country, unaware that part of their role in life is to be a 'monday morning' girl of CC's. Please make it so God!

Amen.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love

Dear God,
It's Valentine's Day, and there's a lot going on in our lives. It was nice today to take some time with our friends and celebrate love. My prayer tonight is that Caroline always knows love, always feels loved, and always finds herself lovable. God please give her a sense of self worth and esteem, and help her to know that no matter what happens in her life, she is, inherently worthy of love.
Amen

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Her Daddy

Dear God,
Thank you for the wonderful relationship you're building between Caroline and her daddy. They had a lot of 1:1 time this weekend, and I was so proud that they do so well together. Please continue to bind their hearts to one another, and to give them special connections.

Amen.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

LOL

Dear God,
You've given Caroline a terrific sense of humor. All day today she did and said funny things. She's such a happy child, and her spirit just exudes laughter. Thank you God for giving her the gift of making me laugh, for her charming laugh, her sweet smile and our time together. God please keep her sense of humor in tact through her life - when times are hard, when she's in the darkest places, help her remember how to laugh. Thank you for the healing nature of humor God.

Amen.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Persistence and Asking for Help

Dear God,
Caroline insisted on putting her jacket on by herself this morning - it so funny the things she picks to do independently. She hasnt really been successful at doing that yet, but I let her try, and told her to tell me if she needed help. She tried, patiently for about 5 minutes before asking for help. What a great pattern - trying hard by herself to solve her problems, but being willing to accept help when she recognizes she needs it. God please grow Caroline's desire to solve problems, make her a confident child who tries to fix things for herself. Also God, please let her always know when she needs help, and make her humble enough to be able to ask for help.

Thank you Lord for this day, for our time together.
Amen.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Prayer

Dear God,
Caroline has the funniest little behavior right now, she's praying all day long. She just folds her tiny hands, looks at us, and asks to pray. What a sweet, sweet reminder of how we should pray without ceasing. Today, literally, she prayed without ceasing. We prayed for our family, our friends, our toys, our food, our house, our clothes, our hair, for prayer.... we prayed. A lot. Thank you for this funny little habit, and please let prayer always come easy for Caroline. Let her be a woman who turns to you through the day, for all of her days.

Amen.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Oh The Places

Dear God,
 Tonight we read "Oh! The places you'll go", by Dr. Seuss, to Caroline at bedtime. It's such an inspirational book, and as we read it to her tonight it made me pause and wonder about the places she'll go. The book predicts success, failure, challenge and joy. You promise all of those things in life. My prayer tonight is that you have have WONDERFUL places for Caroline to go in life. I pray that you go ahead of her and make her path fascinating and smooth. God please prepare the way for our sweet pea, and please be by her side in "the places she'll go".

Amen.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

There's Crayon on the Kitchen Floor

Dear God,
There's crayon on the kitchen floor. The Christmas decorations didn't all make it back into their storage containers today. Our home is far from perfect, and my parenting is far from perfect. Today, I yelled at her. God my prayer for you today is that both Caroline and I grow increasingly more patient with one another. She does things - like putting crayon on the floor - that are just typical child behavior, and I want to look at those things and smile, and know that 'it wont be like this for long' and that I'll miss it some day. I want to hear her 100th cry to be picked up and cherish it without being annoyed that I have to stop what I'm doing. I also want her to forgive my shortcomings as a mother, and see our home as a place where we're all loved, where we're all trying really hard, and where things aren't perfect and it's ok. God please give us patience, give us hearts to see the best in one another, and please give us the wisdom to stop and enjoy the small things.

Amen.