I'm so grateful for the child you've blessed us with, and so in awe of the way she's growing. It's amazing to think of her as your creation - how in less than 3.5 years you've grown her from absolute nothingness into this amazing, wild, chatty, creative human that runs around my house. I truly stand in awe of her. I adore her, I would give anything for her. But it's a mixed bag. And I know you know this God, because you are a father, and because you created us as humans, and because you know my heart - even before I still myself to pray.
God tonight I was thinking of my pre-child life. When people say "Oh having a child changes everything...", it's really hard to know what that means. I don't think you really can know, until you're a parent and you're living in that space. And sometimes that change is hard - for us it's meant sacrifices. Of time, money, travel, selfishness. And yet I look at friends I know who are struggling to have a baby and know that they'd trade anything they have to have this sacrificed life I'm describing. It's not that I want it differently, and I'm most certainly not complaining. I just feel so deeply that having had a child has changed me in deep, serious ways. And today I had that changed feeling ALL day. And I trust that you know this - that it's your plan for our lives. That you have paved this parenting path. I trust that you have and will rewrite, restore, and renew the freedoms that I long for - in different ways than I had them before.
God please keep my heart focused on love. God please keep me focused on the positive. And Lord more than anything, please strengthen the bonds between me and Dan, and between each of us and our child. Please bind our hearts to yours.